I think I have wanted to be perfect so that people would all fall in love with me without me having to get close to them. Love at first sight. And I wouldn’t have to love them back. And maybe I would be full. But since it seems that we can never make up for past hunger, lost sleep, or a time when there was no love, I believe I am left with gaping holes.
“What if we begin with the awareness that what we want is satisfaction and try to discover what will bring us closer to it, instead of thinking we already know and working backward?” -G.Roth The sharp edge of perfectionism is that they say it’s impossible. I am the girl who wants to know how to dance before taking a dance class. The girl who plans on making jaws drop at her ten...
Gusts of wind while standing on hills.
I know now that it has to do with freedom. It explains how beingeing and dieting aren’t as contradictory as I thought. The dream of (finally) being thin entails a vision of me taking trips around the world, going to movies by myself, singing until my heart breaks in my kitchen, standing in wind. Doing whatever the hell I want. Freedom. Being thin has sewn itself to an illusion of inevitable...