August 2011
22 posts
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Fact.
I spend a lot of time looking for the solution. Studying pictures, self-help books, psychological terminology, song lyrics, shampoo bottles, and google searches. Convinced that the answer is a simple, age-old rule; a new product; an expert’s secret; meditation; exercise; vision boards; positive thought; more sleep; more kindness; less talking. I spend a lot of time worrying. As if worrying...
After laughter, falling asleep is my favorite feeling. It melts into me as if pieces of my body go at different times. First my legs, my spine, my lungs; until it is all of me.
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Changing Lanes.
For 38 miles, 3 main highways, and an exit, a silver Mazda and I were taking peculiarly similar routes. I drove consistently and made my usual Tuesday and Thursday lane changes. Speeding is unnecessary on the way home.
The Mazda, however, weaved through lanes of traffic at a time, racing around people, speeding up, slamming on brakes, getting ahead, falling behind. I stayed steady; at ease....
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“Some things are meant to be. You know this because recently you’ve been...”
– Horoscope
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Time Machines
Things form quickly. In the first minutes, the first choices. People are just time machines that take us back to those first decisions, over and over. Who I am sitting in my bedroom right now, telling myself I’m beautiful comes in second to who I am later when I’m around the Erics and I remember (December) what it’s like to laugh at our self deprecation. it’s like things...
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I was ready to fall asleep at 8 pm tonight. Instead of sleeping, I did laundry and took a shower. I got into bed to read around 10, turned off my light multiple times, and here I am.
I was ready to write something down at 2 pm today. Instead of writing, I yawned and kept working. I cut some flowers and wrapped some bouquets. I got into bed to write around 10, sentences came slowly and...
“That there are no random acts. That we are all connected. That you can no more...”
– (via amacaroni-and-cheese)
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Humble Pie
Dear People Around Me,
I’m sorry that I’m such a bitch. An asshole. On a high horse. Riding around looking like world’s biggest douchebag. I’m sorry that I underestimate you and assume incompetence. I’m sorry that I demand from the beginning and spit fire before you can ask questions. I’m sorry that I assume I know the answer before you open your mouth....
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Dirt
I do not know where to begin, but I’m sure it must start in my hands, because they touch everything. To the point where even soap only dances as something to settle the mind. It starts in the hands but it’s deeper than that. It’s deeper than my skin; my skin with climates like this continent. Glaziers on my hands, the dessert along my shins, cheeks and triceps. Marshes and swamps...
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I hope I don’t forget what it felt like to swim out there. Finally I didn’t ask to listen to the little voice in my head that knew what it wanted. I wanted to ask Megan or Christine to go with me, to join me in the lake. Because if someone came with me then I had permission. I was always looking for permission to be alive. I put my book down and looked at them, my best friends, on our...
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"The only thing your eyes don't say is your name."
In a rush to get to therapy I blocked the entrance to a parking lot. I blocked people from moving from solitary positions back into motion. I blocked people in motion from resting. I waved my hand to the car next to me and mouthed “I’m sorry.” I was sorry for blocking the parking lot. For blocking people from moving on with their lives. I was sorry for being so oblivious when it...
Anonymous asked: you should post more of your writings. I really enjoy them
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pinefree-deactivated20130216 asked: I just became such a large fan of you!
